I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
