if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
