Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
