i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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