We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
