wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
