mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
