she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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