Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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