your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
