He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
