We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
