At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
