Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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