Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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