bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
