I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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