need another drink. this is the easiest way
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
