over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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