yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
