so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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