Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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