Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
