what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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