Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Welp...herpes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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