i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
