I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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