giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
