just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
