I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
