so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
