yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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