I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
