How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
