hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
