6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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