come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
