I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
