Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
