"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
