Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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