Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
