The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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