I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
