im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
