Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
