i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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