Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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