Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
