You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
