he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
