I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
How does one acquire holy water?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
