I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
